As I have only just figured out why this wasn't working for me, I will now post my first blog.
Orignal publication date: May 13, 2016

"Berlin was a place incapable of tenderness... a volatile and moody virago who only ever ran fiery hot or bitter cold or drenched herself in tears." 

Right now, in the midst of three sunny days, this city is "fiery hot." And yet, I am amazed at how comfortable these Berliner exist, only mildly aware of it's heat. Orit seemed downright shocked that anyone would be interested in Berlin. Bernardo, almost bored by it. The ability to sit in this mercurial city is amazing to me. "It's just the fashion" explained Orit when we asked about Yael Ronan's storytelling.

Berlin Haiku

Water in Berlin

is green. Swans drool into the

horns at Hackesher.

Museums

Museums are always kind of a weird thing for me - you want to see everything, but you’ll never have enough time.  Also here not a lot of name plates are in English so it sort of helps you to keep moving.  The way I always thought about going to museums is that you take your time, but you shouldn’t be pressured to see EVERYTHING.  It’s the same as theater, you go and you leave with what you leave with.  Never feel pressured to see everything - if you do you’ll just never leave.  I’ve gone to museums with people who feel the need to see and read about everything and it’s the most frustrating thing - you want to go ahead but are being pulled back.  Just some thoughts from this museum filled trip.

xx

making connections

lots of thoughts running through my head after tonight's performance of Beware of Pity. this was definitely the best piece of theatre i've seen in a super long time. i don't even have the words. i felt like i was in another universe after i stepped out of the theatre.

i spoke with Christopher the other day about how i have a tendency to overthink everything and spend too much time scraping around for details when i don't always need them. i was doing it with the non-surtitled shows we've been seeing, getting frustrated at my inability to keep up with the storyline. upon speaking to him, i quickly realized that this mindset--this overbearing need to know absolutely everything--stems back to my work as an actor. it's a lot of thinking and not enough doing. i get too caught up in my head instead of allowing myself to just be.

as i've continued to watch these shows, i'm doing a much better job at just observing what is directly in front of me. i've found myself weaning off of this idea that i need to fully understand the storyline in order to get into it or appreciate the emotion of the characters. i honestly think these shows will help me get out of my head when i'm performing from now on.

on another note, almost every show has had music in it. pretty dope how the Germans cross artforms so nonchalantly.

Real Magic and racism

Something odd happened to Jill and I at the Hackesher Markt today, when our waiter asked us where we were from.
"The United States!" But before we had to time even finish our sentence, our waiter responded:
"Oh, I hear black people are really bad over there, right?"
I mean, considering 97% of the people here are white, (the percentage is probably higher, I'm just ballparking here) I was expecting to hear some kind of racist nonsense at some point.
Jill and I tried to explain that his statement was wrong.

Anywho, let's talk about theater.
Real Magic. Well, there were chicken suits. And repetition. And about thirty minutes into the show, my nails had dug into my skin and created fresh little holes of hell.
I have seen a lot of theater in my life, and I can truly say that nothing made me more anxious than this show. I felt uncomfortable in my own body.
This has led me to two conclusions:
1) theater is supposed to make you feel something.
Yes, this show made me feel one emotion very strongly. However,
2) theater is supposed to fulfill a purpose.
This show did not speak to me in any way that was actually saying something important, in my opinion. Yes, theater can make you feel very strong emotions if that is its purpose. However, the best theater to me has a strong underlying meaning, moral, political purpose, etc. This piece existed for the sole purpose of causing discomfort.
I'm a big fan of discomfort when it comes with meaning. I like tough love. I like learning a lesson the hard way.
I walked away from this show more confused and bothered. No lessons were learned.
I would like to see what the playwright and director were trying to achieve.
This piece will probably haunt me for a long time because I don't understand it.

Street art delights

As I headed out on the last leg of my journey to Berlin - a train ride from Düsseldorf - I was startled by all the buildings coated in street art and graffiti type painting. Not knowing anything about the city of Düsseldorf, I figured it might be something unique to that city, or perhaps I was in a rundown area. But, every town that my 4-hour ride took me through was the same - peppered with colorful artwork on all the buildings, and Berlin perhaps has more street art than any other German city. The street art here is astounding and so fun to look at! What we call graffiti in the States, is called street art here in Berlin. And even just by using the different terminology, the connotation changes. In the states, we often look down on graffiti, calling it vandalism, or ranting about why someone would deface our buildings with their artistic expressions. We view this type of painting as ugly; an eyesore that we want no part of and we quickly paint over these marks someone leaves on our cities. But here, not only are the buildings themselves exciting to look at, but then additionally, many of them are ornately decorated with colorful additions by a variety of anonymous artists, and I am finding this freedom of expression to be incredibly beautiful. It gives the city a flavor unlike anywhere else I've ever been. And it is most definitely welcomed, even celebrated by Berliners. The bookstores have picture books solely dedicated to Berlin street art - evidence that this is a piece of Berlin that locals are proud of.

"There are in fact two kinds of pity. One, the feeble and sentimental kind, is really no more than the heart's impatience to free itself as quickly as possible from emotional discomfort when faced with another's misfortune; it is the sort of pity which is not at all genuine sympathy — 'shared feeling' — but merely an instinctive defense of one's own soul against the other person's pain. Then there is the other kind, which is the only one that counts — unsentimental yet constructive, knowing its own mind, fully resolved to endure everything patiently, compassionately, along with that other person, right to the very limit of its strength, and even beyond that limit."  Stefan Zweig from BEWARE OF PITY.