Stream of Consciousness - LULU to ICH WEISS NICHT WAS EIN ORT IST, KENNE NUR SEINEN PREIS

yes, my thoughts are still back in berlin.

Will this post have relevant photos?!?

Lulu. All I'll say is that I'm glad that wasn't six hours.

Hehehe, maybe not.

More Cool German Phrases That We Share In English:

"Die Augen sind die Fenster zur Seele" = "Eyes are windows to the soul"

"Ich halte dir den Rücken frei" = "I've got your back." Though literally, it's actually: "I'll keep your back free."

Gal Pals

The primary complaint I heard when discussing Status Quo was that the script itself talked about an issue that we're already well versed in. We understand the white, cis-gendered, straight feminist's point of view, so let's talk about some other narratives instead. And though I understand this complaint, I'm glad it was voiced because my headspace wasn't there. I appreciate the learning opportunity and I appreciate being reminded of my own privilege. 

This piece and the conversation we had after both the workshop and actual performance left me with questions, questions, questions. And I think that's a good thing. 

Can we avoid approaching the work we see through our own culture? Should we avoid doing that? How does America's cultural background differ to that of Germany? Specifically when talking about gender equality? Is the fight for gender and racial diversity in America ahead of that in Germany? Is it okay if it is? Do you need to take one step before you can take the next? As in, do you need to fight for women's representation, even if it is just the straight, cis-gendered, white women's experience, before you can fight for the representation of other kinds of women and other kinds of genders? Why would fighting for women's rights even be a step before being able to fight for the rights of other marginalized groups? Is it true to say that a large part of why those other groups are marginalized is because of their association with femininity? If being a woman is seen as lesser, then wouldn't behaving in what has been characterized in our culture as a feminine way be seen as lesser? Could discrimination against lesbians be rooted in the idea that if women are not consumable to men, they have no worth? Is "gay" thrown around as an insult because liking other men is somehow equated to being more feminine? Or does discrimination have less to do with femininity and more to do with gender roles in general? Is breaking down gender roles altogether seen as an attack on society? Is it the idea that if society can't determine what gender you are, how can it judge you? That if gender roles don't exist, how can society define who is superior? 

What are your answers? What are your questions? 

Where do we go from here? Where do I go from here?

I really did enjoy Status Quo. Besides the amazing duck impersonation (perhaps my favorite moment of all the shows we saw) it got me to dig deeper into a topic I thought I was well versed in. It made me realize that I have so much more to learn. And for that, I'm thankful.

Posed Candid (oxymoron)

Abgrund was a piece that still, weeks later, has not quite settled in me. I'm not sure how I feel about it as a whole, but I do have some thoughts about individual aspects.

For one, I loved that we were given headphones. The excitement that rushed through me when I saw them on our seats was enough to make their use worth it. I was excited at the prospect of something new, different, unique, and experimental. And then, it wasn't exactly used in any of those ways. That is, nothing crazy, out-of-this-world went on. I kept waiting for something else to happen, but it never did. The play was entirely what one would expect from a play. Plot. Characters. Watching a story play out on stage. The only difference was that the sound was put directly in your ears. And yet, that made a bigger difference than I realized when I was experiencing it. Afterwards, I asked everyone why they thought the headphones were being used and what they thought was trying to be said. I was surprised to be greeted with an array of different answers, feelings, opinions, and experiences. If nothing else, the headphones made the show personal. 

My takeaway, whether the director's intention or not, was commentary on technology. The combination of headphones and the screen in front of the stage made me think of Netflix. It reminded me of sitting at home on my bed binging a series on my laptop. It raised questions about the role of technology, the role of theater, the blurring lines between the two and the different strengths, weaknesses, and importances of the mediums. I found myself grappling with the notion of "live theater." That's why theater is important isn't it? Because it is live? Or at least, that's the biggest difference between theater and film/TV, isn't it? In Abgrund, everything was being played out live... except that we were hearing the sounds through a filtered system. Does that change the "liveness" of it?

While the headset and screen elements really, really worked for me, there were other parts that did not. Emotionally, this piece fell flat for me. I kept feeling like I should feel upset or distraught or anxious because of the events playing out, but I just couldn't get myself there. It was a strange feeling. I almost started feeling guilty for not feeling how I thought I should be feeling. Maybe the technical elements were supposed to be used as distancing devices. But I still get emotional impacted by events playing out in TV and Film (I cried during Rocketman). And I know the headphones heighted the emotional response for others in our group. Not sure what the takeaway is. But I think that the fact that I'm still thinking about this piece is noteworthy.

Schaubühne Bricks

Abgrund actually kind of had a pre-show announcement which is not a common practice here in Deutschland. But it was related to the use of headphones; the announcer made sure that we were wearing them correctly and that our phones were turned off so that the signals would not interfere with one another. Though it was a pre-show announcement, it was different than they typical one we hear in America reminding us to be respectful theater-goers. I was, however, surprised to hear an American-style announcement at the show the following evening.  Ball Im Savoy began with the loudspeakers telling us that no phone conversations, texting, etc. would be permitted. The woman next to me, a German-speaker, scoffed, leaned over to her friend and said, "Warum?" (Why?) I took this to mean, "Really? People have to be told not to use their phones during a live performance?" Well, maybe not in a culture where the arts are more well integrated into the norm. But in America, I've been surprised to find that not everyone has the same idea of common courtesy, especially when it comes to the theater.

But you know, the more I think about it, I realize that I've seen it here in Germany too and pretty often: people taking pictures and videos, texting, or constantly checking their phones during a performance. Is it as prevalent as it is in the States? I don't think so, but I honestly couldn't tell you. So it makes me wonder: why do we have those announcements in the States and why doesn't Germany?

Pansy and Ladybug Friend

Was ist ein "Knacks?" war die Frage, die ich, nach René Polleschs Stück "Ich Weiss Nicht Was Ein Ort Ist, Kenne Nur Seinen Preis" zwei Frauen gefragt habe. "Ich spreche Englisch, ich bin eine Studentin und ich lerne Deutsch. Ich habe dieses Wort sehr oft gehört, aber ich weiß nicht was es meint." Und sie haben gesagt, "Ach so. Es ist wie ein "crack." Wenn etwas kaputt ist, aber nur ein bisschen? Nicht ganz kaputt aber..."

"Ich denke, dass ich verstehe. Wie schreibt man "knacks?"

"Also, es ist nicht ein Wort, das oft geschrieben ist. Aber ich denke, wenn man es schreiben will, dann ist es K-N-A-C-K-S. Komisch für ein deutsches Wort."

"Ah! Okay, danke! Also es ist ein Wort, das klingelt wie, was es meint."

"Ja und es können auch andere Bedeutungen haben. Wenn man ein bisschen verrückt ist, zum Beispiel, dann sagt man dass er ein Knacks im Kopf hat.  Oder, wenn man jemand liebt, aber die Liebe wird nicht zurück gegeben, dann hat man ein Knacks im Herz." 

"Ich finde dass sehr interessant. Danke! Und danke, dass Sie haben Deutsch mit mir gesprochen."

Yellow

If you can't tell, I am Asian! My mom and pops are both from HK. I was born in NY, raised in HK and China for a good chunk of my childhood, and I was raised in NJ. I grew up in a small town in Edison and the public schools I have attended tend to consist of a majority of students of different race, ethnicities, and nationalities. In school, I have always gravitated towards music, drawing, theater, and science. I had a fascination in observing the world around me while creating another universe in my mind and living through it in different mediums of art.
In school, I never felt singled out for enjoying singing or creating music or participating in theater. I never really had an issue with diversity art in school most of the kids in our school are people of color. Except for theater, as far as I remember, Asians never seem to gravitate towards the theater.
I weened off of doing theater for a good chunk of high school and a part of college because I felt like I did not belong. I never really understood why. But I was curious and I thought I should give it another try. I was still curious. I went on this trip to discover more about theater. There was so much more to learn, and the idea of the world being my classroom really piqued my interest.
Before I went on this trip, my family, especially my sister expressed their doubts if I was going to fit in. I actually faced a lot of doubt on this trip because I was scared I would feel left out, or didn't belong. I thought of the worst-case scenario of dealing with racism and discrimination because I am yellow. I prepared myself mentally by looking up stats on the Asian population, and then I found myself going through a Reddit feed on posts read along the lines of "Asians in Germany", "Chinese living in Germany". I wanted to have a realistic expectation of the Asian experience in Berlin.

Now that I have lived it, I can give you my two cents:

• Being an Asian in Berlin is not so rotten! Phew! Germans actually treated me like a local here and did not assume I was a foreigner. In fact, some locals even spoke to me in German! I was a little surprised. There was a moment when I felt guilty for imagining the worst-case scenario, and for not giving the German people enough credit. It was a sigh of relief and some guilt.
• There were days when I felt I was being stared at, and I thought they must be staring because they don't see Asians much often. (Asians make up 5% of the German demographic). Then, I read Charlotte's post, and I realized that that was probably not case. Apparently, Germans have a tendency to keep prolonged stares. As one could tell by "EGGY", I actually have that habit too. I am just naturally curious, and I like to observe people and I guess the Germans like to do the same too.
• Crybaby: Christopher, "If you look at the crowd tonight, you can tell what kind of audience this director attracts." I looked around, and I saw a bunch of mid-20s, artsy, grungy hipsters, and then I saw two Asians. 
• Remote Mitte: "Gather into a circle. Look to your left. Look to your right. Look around you, who looks different from you?" Around me, I was the only yellow person. For a moment, I felt special, I was the center of attention, yet I have never so alone and singled out
• Towards the end of the trip, I noticed there were even more Asians! Many of them were tourists from around the world. There was a lady who spoke in Mandarin asked for directions to the restroom at the Altes Museum. 
• I noticed a reoccurring pattern - there were not a lot of Asian audiences or performers in the theater. I think I saw one Asian actor in You Are Not the Hero of This Story. But hey, who is counting? 
• I think the frustrating part of being a person of color and seeing 19 plays with very few Asian characters is the feeling of being invisible and that no one wants to hear your story. There were moments when I saw black actors on stage and I would first be in shock, but then I would cheer them on. Then I realized there were no lead actors who were POC. If a POC was on stage, they were either 1) the chorus or 2) a minor character with very little character development. Then, it dawned on me - there is a lack of representation of people of color in German Theater.
• Der Palast: I saw 3 Asian actors on stage. 
  I did not expect to be so emotional and filled with so much pride when I saw 3 Asians on stage. I did not realize how important it was for me to witness it myself. To me, that is a lot because, in American theater, I usually see one Asian person that puts" color" in the cast. I was happy and filled with pride to see Asians representation on stage, but it also stung a little because of the 19 shows, I saw 4 Asian actors on stage. Seeing the Asian actors on stage made me emotional, yet hopeful, empowered, and strong. 
• The ostracization of race in the theater is apparent. When I started to speak about how I felt about representation on stage, I felt I a little strange. I think that it is strange that people look to me to speak about representation in theater, especially in a theater class because that gives me a lot of power. Also, I also cannot say that my thoughts on representation in theater accurately depicts and paints the scope of what every Asian feels about representation. The title of being a "spokesperson" puts a lot of pressure because I cannot speak for everyone, but if I don't say anything, I am letting a problem slide by, which is not okay. So I am going to put it all out there, but remember to take what I say with a grain of salt. I am waiting for a day when I don't have to talk about representation in film and theater.  There will come a time when there won't be any more talk on Asian representation in theater and film, that's when I will know that, without a doubt, representation exists. Does that make sense? I don't think it will happen in my lifetime, but I can't expect everything to happen all at once. It is going to take time for change to happen. 

• Representation matters no matter where you are in the world.
• To the artists of color who love theater, music, art, dance. Continue what you're doing. Practice your craft. You do belong, your voice matters, and we need more of you.

DiStOrTiOn

"A head is a matter of eyes, nose, mouth, which can be distributed any way you like." - Pablo Picasso

Tickets, Bottle Caps, Matches

Product from Germany

Gropius Bau | The Black Image Corporation

Energy

inspired by science, Will, Rafat, Christopher, Beuys, and my nutcase of an Uncle.

Will and Rafat

Breakfast at Christopher's (photo creds to Lydia!)

The conversation Will and Rafat had on Energy, and the power and importance of art at Christopher's elicited a flashback of my uncle, in his swim trunks, stuffing a bag full of BBQ crisps in his mouth, his body all sprawled out in the fishy and polluted sand of Lamma Island.

Uncle James

My uncle who lives in China is a self-proclaimed, self-employed inventor. He plays with little toys and trinkets related to sound, technology, physics, and mind control technology. I do not see him often because my mom thinks he is crazy. He is a little crazy and lives in his own little lab, but I understand his intense passion for science. and I think he is a brilliant man. He could spend hours talking about what he does for a living, or, well, what he does to live. Truthfully, I could spend hours listening to him because this guy really knows his stuff. We sat for a good 3 hours at Lamma Island in HK talking about molecules, particles, waves, colors, the big bang theory, planets, forces, energy, Milkyway, aliens, parallel universes (yes, he believes there is more than one universe), and he then mentioned about Chi energy. Chi energy is a force or a flow of energy. It can be used for healing and in martial arts to breathe life into other living beings.

Lamma Island

I was a little shocked. My uncle actually brought this up and had a small sense of belief in it because this is type of pretense physics would make any scientist cringe. This concept is not scientific, but people used to believe in this Chi, and I think some people do believe in it. The idea that Energy can be passed on from one person may not be scientific, it may not be Aristotelian, but it sort of makes sense. 

Although Chi Energy has to do with properties of healing, which I, a biologist think is rather phony. I suppose that Energy of feeling and emotions can be passed on to other people too. 

Christopher

The concept of Einfühlung was created by German philosophers. Einfühlung is empathy or "in feeling/feeling into". Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another. Is that, in a way, a passing of energy too? To transfer feeling from one person to another? OR an artist can create something, a painting or a song, and a person can experience einfühlung from something created by a human. So that means energy can be passed from one person's creation to an inanimate object (a statue, a painting, a monument) to another person.

Joseph Beuys, Energiestab (Energy Rod) 

"Beuys regarded copper rods as receivers and transmitters of thermal energy. It is attributed to an important role in the flow of energy between body and mind. The rod is wrapped with felt which highlights the idea of storing and isolating spiritual forces. Materials of copper and felt generate energetic tension in specific locations."

Energiestab (Energy Rod)

Conclusion

I have gathered my not-so-scientific conclusion about Energy:

1. Energy does not exist in a vacuum. It can be contained and emitted.
2. Artists capture Energy in a drawing, in music, in literature, etc.
3. Some people will take in Energy. Some people will not take in Energy.
    Both of which are normal reactions.
5. Energy is ubiquitous. It could be under your nose, and you might not even notice it, but it does something to you. There are so many places around us where Energy is present:

-Paintings
-Songs
-Poems
-Literature
-Food
-Film
-Nature
-Symbols
-Theater
-Clothing/fashion
-Pictures
-Any medium of art
-and so many other things that are not mentioned in this list.

Just call me Rudolf Clausius because I am in the works of creating my own concept of Energy.

Learned Words - CRY BABY to BALL IM SAVOY

hey guys. it's been a while. i felt like my time in berlin was dwindling and i wanted to soak up as much as i could before heading home, which is why my posts took a backseat. and then once i was home, life didn't decide to stop (surprise). but now, i'm back and ready to GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT! More vocab!!!

CRY BABY 

die Wiederholung - iteration

die Regelmäßigkeit - regularity/orderliness

gespannt - excited

fangen - to capture/catch/trap

die Aufführung - performance/show/act

sinnlos - useless/meaningless

trennen - to isolate/to separate

"und so fort" - and so forth

feucht - damp/humid

begreifen - to understand/to recognize

The girl's chorus was often referred to as what sounded to me like "Teamfäch." While team easily translates to team, Fäch is not so simple. In fact, it doesn't appear to be a word in Hochdeutsch (non-dialect German) at all. A google search informed me that Fäch is the Cologne-dialect word for Frau, which means woman. Was our PJ-wearing chorus being referred to as a team of women? Perhaps. Or, more likely, I just misheard the word.

REMOTE MITTE

der Rasen - grass

(un)bequem - (un)comfortable !!

umgeben - to surround

das Vertrauen - trust/confidence/faith

seltsam - strange/odd/peculiar

die Aufführung - performance/show/act

ähnlich - similar/alike

OTHELLO

zeugen - to sire/to father/to bespeak/ to testify

ausbauen - to reconstruct/to restore

feucht - clammy/moist/damp/humid

verfallen - to decay/deteriorate

einüben - to practice/rehearse

heilig - holy/sacred/saintly

aufgeregt - excited/nervous/rash

das Taschentuch - handkerchief (Taschen meaning pocket and tuch meaning cloth/kerchief; pocket kerchief instead of handkerchief!)

der Überfluss - abundance/glut/affluence (über meaning over and Fluss meaning flow; overflowing)

großmütig - noble/lordly/magnanimous

Hahnrei - cuckold

der Betrug - deception/fraud/deceit

die Niederlage - defeat

angerichtet - to wreak/damage/harm

die Hure - whore

die Weide - willow

CREATION (PICTURES FOR DORIAN)

verfassen - to compose

körperbetont - figure-accentuating

auffordern - to prompt/invite/request

geschehen - to happen/occur/take place

die Verbindung - connection/contact/bond

sündig - sinful/errant/unrighteous

das Rätsel - mystery/puzzle/enigma

die Bewegung - movement/exercise/motion

schlau - clever/artful/cute

der Leberfleck - beauty mark (or liver spot if you want to translate it literally)

die Oberfläche - surface/ground level

die Vorwürfe - criticism/reproval/reproach

schweben - to float/hover/poise

der Duft - smell/fragenerance

befallen - to attack/to infest

LULU

beugen - to bend/bow

locken - to decoy/bait

fauchen - to growl in a guttural fashion/ to spit

geistig - mental/intellectual/spiritual

entblößen - to strip/uncover/disrobe

aufgetragen - this one has so many different meanings and I no longer remember the context for this word. Here are some of the definitions:
- to fill
- to coat
- to deposit
- to lay off
- to lay on
- to outline
- to put on
- to dish up
- to apply
- to spread
- to build
- to charge
- to assign
Do any of these words jump out at you? Is there a part of the show that resonates with a certain definition? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

der Flimmer - flicker/glimmer

 schlaff - flaccid/saggy/loose

STATUS QUO

belastbar - resilient

der Kegelsport - bowling (Kegel meaning pin/cone)

das Gespür - intuition

das Selbstvertrauen - self-confidence

Vorstellungsgespräch - job interview (Gespräch means conversation. Vorstellungs means ideational/ideative.  However, Vorstellung (no s) means performance. I don't know which word this one is derived from, and though it seems more likely that it's the latter, I'd like to think it's the former. A job interview as just a conversation about ideas sounds much less scary than a conversation where you are performing.)

der Wahnsinn - insanity/madness/lunacy (the adjective version of this word, wahnsinnig, can be found in my vocab post about Hamlet!)

der Stoff - material/fabric

die Hingabe - surrender

reichen - to smell

verspannt - tensed up/uptight

angefasst - to touch

kneifen - to pinch

die Belästigung - harassment

der Scherz - joke/fun

ABGRUND

Let's talk about the title. Abgrund means abyss. They said it at some point in the show, pretty early on, before anything really went down. But in the surtitles, it seemed to be translated as dark side. I think this translation makes perfect sense for the story being told.

fließen - to flow

die Blase - kettle

unbedingt - absolutely

Vögeln - to fuck/shag

das Scheidungskind - child of divorce

 

BALL IM SAVOY 

die Laune - whimsy/fancy

schwört - to swear/to vow

die Depesche - telegram

die Flotte - liquor

entzückt - delighted

senken - to dip/lower/sink

ahnen - to suspect

klopfen - to knock

löschen - to delete/purge

zart - tender/delicate/frail

der Gatte - spouse/husband

herrlich - magnificent/glorious

sacht - gentle

der Wert - value/merit