why i came

why i came

maybe zoo animals felt the same as i

maybe my pet fish felt it too

tapping on the glass

this is the life i have always known

this is the water i have always tasted

this is the trap i've been caught in

and this is where i'll stay

step by step always the same

open the blinds

the sun shines a bit duller each day

my face getting old

my hair getting short

my patience getting shorter

and my capacity for love nearly demolished

disheartened by the media

disheartened by my people

disheartened by my thoughts

always searching for something that wasn't there

i hoped for a tap on the glass

when you check to see if your pet fish is still alive

is anyone in there?

they say it sounds like an explosion to the fish

to tap on the glass

i prayed for the first time in my life

for that explosion of life, love, 

christ--even hate is better than this empty

empty fishbowl

i stopped swimming

my fins disintegrated

my tail stopped working

barely afloat

thirsting

parched

panting

i tasted

for the first time in a while i tasted opportunity

a second chance at life

a chance to tap on my own glass

to wake myself up

to be self-reliant

the self-reliant fish

my gills grew back

oxygen dissolving into my capillaries

color came back to my scales and i 

left my bowl

and i won't come back until i can swim again

Some Soul Healing (Ya Know, Hopefully)

Still battling the jetlag, I keep thinking about our dinner the first night and Christopher’s question about why we all decided to come on this trip. My answer was something along the lines of experiencing the culture and that it would hopefully help me to stop overthinking theater and plays because it stops me from really understanding them or doesn’t let me really walk away from the play feeling what I’m feeling.  Another big reason (maybe bigger than the reason I listed above) is that I have a lot of people in my life who have done a lot of traveling and I have grown into who I am today thinking that traveling is something that everyone needs or should do if they have the chance.  Since I started at Mason Gross I thought I wouldn’t have the chance to study abroad so this trip was sort of a godsent to me.  I have 3 very important women in my life who have traveled all over the world when they were my age and they have never said anything negative about traveling and have told me so many amazing stories from when they traveled around the world.  So I also came here not only because of the theater or because I was raised knowing that I should, but because I think it will be good for my actual self and think it’s something that my soul actually needs.  (Not to make this too dramatic but) this past year has been a lot for me emotionally and I think this chance to let go of all that, and all the normalcy and routine at home and to get a little break from my friends and my Mason Gross family (even though I love them).  I just hope I don’t get sucked into a routine here…

xx

Eddie out in FORCE!

There's an Iron Maiden concert tonight. The Eddie teeshirt is  EVERYWHERE. Because I'm not going and because we're art-blogging, here is a classical cello cover of The Trooper. It's a tually really badass. Watch it.

2CELLOS
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eVH1Y15omgE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eVH1Y15omgE

Truly-Madly-Deeply-Savage-Garden In Love

Heavy distraction at the Bode Museum.

There I was, minding my own business, admiring the baroque sculptures and paintings when out of nowhere, a handsome stranger. Hallo 👋 

Shared a smile. -- A short-lived love affair for the ages. 

"He exists now, only in my memory." - Old Rose

How's that for "Capital R" Romantic?

😂

Stumbling Stones

Throughout the Jewish quarter of berlin there are brass squares outside certain buildings built into the sidewalks. They have engravings of the names of Jewish families that used to live there... Christopher told us that they're there to be purposefully tripped over as a reminder of what happened to the Jewish population here in the past.
I love these bricks.
I hate these bricks.
I love that someone is taking initiative to put this reminder in front of every single individual.
I hate that there are so many - and not enough.
It's all very confusing.
They make me incredibly uneasy. I have to read each one I pass. I'm constantly looking down.

After a bit of googling, I found this interesting article on NPR about the stumbling stones. Here's the link if you feel like reading it:

http://www.npr.org/2012/05/31/153943491/stumbling-upon-miniature-memorials-to-nazi-victims

"I think the large Holocaust memorial here [in Berlin] will always remain abstract. You have to make the decision to visit it," Demnig says. "But not with the stumbling blocks. Suddenly they are there, right outside your front door, at your feet, in front of you."

wanderlust

Almost 21 years later, and here I am, traveling outside of the United States for the very first time. I applied to this program on a whim (Kim encouraged me to apply ---- thanks home skillet) and figured it would be good for me. I needed to break out of this stream of normalcy that I've chained myself to for so long. Although I miss the familiarity of home a bit, this was ultimately the right choice to make. Three shows in and The Situation has been my favorite, by far. As a Palestinian woman who is heavily educated on the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians, every word delivered by the actors hit me hard. The U.S. tends to be very one-sided about the conflict and you never really see (or, at least, I haven't really seen) much theatre that addresses the often awkward/political standpoints concerning the Middle East. It was refreshing and I feel really grateful to have been able to experience it.

I love the graffiti in Berlin and I adore the endlessness of this city. I feel like I've visited all around the country but I haven't even left this area. The architecture and history here are mind-blowing.

I hope I don't fall into a routine and just go through the motions of each day. I hope I allow this country and this experience to fully hit me. Transformation is very necessary at this point in my life.

That's all for now.