where am i

Where am I? What day is it? What did I see last night?

The last couple of days I've been feeling lost, for lack of a better word.
Unearthed, disjointed, stumped, mediocre. No, none of those words quite capture how I feel.

The show. Last night's show, Kill Your Darlings, broke my heart somehow. There was an innocence, and a simplicity to the ensemble, and yet a chaotic nature to the rainbow pants guy. I kept feeling like the entire theatre, audience included, was just a figment of the narrator's imagination. It all felt like a day dream, like the musings of a child as he explains how he feels. Now, once more, I am trapped in trying to understand exactly HOW this was achieved. HOW did this company of performers make me feel this way.

 Something I've noticed in almost all of the theatre here is their use of music. That's definitely a way to make someone feel something. The actors are all working in the same universe, they all understand the world they're in and simply work form their circumstances. That certainly helps a production along. But what's the secret ingredient? What is making theatre here so special? These questions are driving me mad. I think I need a brake. I need to digest, take a siesta, and think.

Since the first show, I noticed how graceful the productions here could be. The things I've loved the most (with maybe one or two exceptions) have had the most easeful actors I've ever seen.

So ok, ease of execution + bold choices = magic? Simplifying that way would just be ridiculous.

Kill Your Darlings was, like Emma said, an Acid trip. But it was also funny, and light, and tragically, simply beautiful.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that moving to Berlin and joining a company here might not be the easiest or the best option. So how do I take the best of Berlin (which I still don't understand or can put my finger on) and mix it with the best of New York (inclusivity and visibility.) I expect this will be a long experiment, filled with lots of research and many trips to Berlin.

This was a lot of rambling.

Where am I? What day is it? What did I see last night?