Yellow

If you can't tell, I am Asian! My mom and pops are both from HK. I was born in NY, raised in HK and China for a good chunk of my childhood, and I was raised in NJ. I grew up in a small town in Edison and the public schools I have attended tend to consist of a majority of students of different race, ethnicities, and nationalities. In school, I have always gravitated towards music, drawing, theater, and science. I had a fascination in observing the world around me while creating another universe in my mind and living through it in different mediums of art.
In school, I never felt singled out for enjoying singing or creating music or participating in theater. I never really had an issue with diversity art in school most of the kids in our school are people of color. Except for theater, as far as I remember, Asians never seem to gravitate towards the theater.
I weened off of doing theater for a good chunk of high school and a part of college because I felt like I did not belong. I never really understood why. But I was curious and I thought I should give it another try. I was still curious. I went on this trip to discover more about theater. There was so much more to learn, and the idea of the world being my classroom really piqued my interest.
Before I went on this trip, my family, especially my sister expressed their doubts if I was going to fit in. I actually faced a lot of doubt on this trip because I was scared I would feel left out, or didn't belong. I thought of the worst-case scenario of dealing with racism and discrimination because I am yellow. I prepared myself mentally by looking up stats on the Asian population, and then I found myself going through a Reddit feed on posts read along the lines of "Asians in Germany", "Chinese living in Germany". I wanted to have a realistic expectation of the Asian experience in Berlin.

Now that I have lived it, I can give you my two cents:

• Being an Asian in Berlin is not so rotten! Phew! Germans actually treated me like a local here and did not assume I was a foreigner. In fact, some locals even spoke to me in German! I was a little surprised. There was a moment when I felt guilty for imagining the worst-case scenario, and for not giving the German people enough credit. It was a sigh of relief and some guilt.
• There were days when I felt I was being stared at, and I thought they must be staring because they don't see Asians much often. (Asians make up 5% of the German demographic). Then, I read Charlotte's post, and I realized that that was probably not case. Apparently, Germans have a tendency to keep prolonged stares. As one could tell by "EGGY", I actually have that habit too. I am just naturally curious, and I like to observe people and I guess the Germans like to do the same too.
• Crybaby: Christopher, "If you look at the crowd tonight, you can tell what kind of audience this director attracts." I looked around, and I saw a bunch of mid-20s, artsy, grungy hipsters, and then I saw two Asians. 
• Remote Mitte: "Gather into a circle. Look to your left. Look to your right. Look around you, who looks different from you?" Around me, I was the only yellow person. For a moment, I felt special, I was the center of attention, yet I have never so alone and singled out
• Towards the end of the trip, I noticed there were even more Asians! Many of them were tourists from around the world. There was a lady who spoke in Mandarin asked for directions to the restroom at the Altes Museum. 
• I noticed a reoccurring pattern - there were not a lot of Asian audiences or performers in the theater. I think I saw one Asian actor in You Are Not the Hero of This Story. But hey, who is counting? 
• I think the frustrating part of being a person of color and seeing 19 plays with very few Asian characters is the feeling of being invisible and that no one wants to hear your story. There were moments when I saw black actors on stage and I would first be in shock, but then I would cheer them on. Then I realized there were no lead actors who were POC. If a POC was on stage, they were either 1) the chorus or 2) a minor character with very little character development. Then, it dawned on me - there is a lack of representation of people of color in German Theater.
• Der Palast: I saw 3 Asian actors on stage. 
  I did not expect to be so emotional and filled with so much pride when I saw 3 Asians on stage. I did not realize how important it was for me to witness it myself. To me, that is a lot because, in American theater, I usually see one Asian person that puts" color" in the cast. I was happy and filled with pride to see Asians representation on stage, but it also stung a little because of the 19 shows, I saw 4 Asian actors on stage. Seeing the Asian actors on stage made me emotional, yet hopeful, empowered, and strong. 
• The ostracization of race in the theater is apparent. When I started to speak about how I felt about representation on stage, I felt I a little strange. I think that it is strange that people look to me to speak about representation in theater, especially in a theater class because that gives me a lot of power. Also, I also cannot say that my thoughts on representation in theater accurately depicts and paints the scope of what every Asian feels about representation. The title of being a "spokesperson" puts a lot of pressure because I cannot speak for everyone, but if I don't say anything, I am letting a problem slide by, which is not okay. So I am going to put it all out there, but remember to take what I say with a grain of salt. I am waiting for a day when I don't have to talk about representation in film and theater.  There will come a time when there won't be any more talk on Asian representation in theater and film, that's when I will know that, without a doubt, representation exists. Does that make sense? I don't think it will happen in my lifetime, but I can't expect everything to happen all at once. It is going to take time for change to happen. 

• Representation matters no matter where you are in the world.
• To the artists of color who love theater, music, art, dance. Continue what you're doing. Practice your craft. You do belong, your voice matters, and we need more of you.

Shout out to Shalaya's post. Shalaya's post, "Dealing with Lack of Representation" was actually the first post I read from Rutgers Theater Company in Berlin.  Shalaya's post on her experience in Berlin as a black woman inspired me to reflect on my own experience as an Asian in Berlin. Thank you, Shalaya, for sharing. If it weren't for you, I don't think I would have written this post.