No No Sorry Go

I  just want to preface by saying this but this post has been LONG overdue and has been sitting in my notes. Okie dokie lets go!

In our after show discussions/ lunch discussions we have been taking about gender and after watching four shows this past few weeks which all orbit around the issues of gender in society, I have decided to buckle my 2019 pants and sort of go through a lot of things I have been thinking/ feeling.

Maybe because I am in a foreign country that I am very alert and aware of my surroundings but I have noticed that men in this country have NO SHAME when looking/ interacting with a woman. Never in my life have I had more men/boys stare, talk, follow or even try to interact with me in my goddamn life and I want to know why. Like the United States is very Anglo so what is the difference between these European men vs the ones at home? I honestly couldn’t tell you because I am not a man and I have no idea what would be the factors that would have to be to have it so that I would be always very aware of all women and if I were interested, I would feel very comfortable about approaching them. Again, this whole gender thing is still on my mind. I have been very privileged to live a life in where I never questioned my gender it’ll gender identity  so like ngl gender has always been on my mind but more in the sense of self identity ie, what does it mean to be a woman or a man but now I’m looking at it from the perspective of how that form of self identity helps people move through life. During the discussion after the show we saw at Gorki, Will felt but later amended his comment that the show presented it self in a way in which he felt attacked and whether that is some subconscious thing or not, that initial comment is rooted in how his gender identity moves him through his everyday life. Whether or not Will still feels that way about the performance isn’t what I’m trying to point out but it’s that comment that got me thinking about gender and how it operates in the larger scale of life. So I have these rabbit hole thoughts about gender and I keep having these thoughts about the catcalling and the shameless dudes that look and talk to me and idk how I’m going from step 1 and 2 relating to this whole gender identity thing but I’m ending up at step 27 at this whole guy thing. In my mind its all interconnected but because its currently 1am I can't seem to find the words to explain how, I just feel it.