Stream of Consciousness - HE? SHE? ME! FREE. to Creation (Pictures for Dorian)

reminder: the pictures are there to separate thoughts! 

HE? SHE? ME! FREE. loosely quoted:

"Wer hat Macht und was macht Macht?" - Who has power and what creates power? "I'm gonna do it anyway, even if it doesn't pay." "Worte sind nicht genug." - Words are not enough. "Kann alles gedacht werden?" -  Can everything be thought? "Gendergefängnis" - gender prison "Wir sind doch nicht 'der, die, das', andere. Wir sind." - We are not 'der, die, das', other. We are. "My question is how do we deal with gender identity? How can we destroy gender roles? Is it even productive to destroy gender roles?" "Ich bin Eva aber "Eva" muss nicht weiblich oder männlich sein." - I am Eva but "Eva" does not need to be feminine or masculine. "Do you want kids?" "I don't know if I can sacrifice all that would need to be sacrificed when one has kids. How can we think of family in a way that isn't how we currently think of it; as more than just blood?" "Eva, deine Zeit ist jetzt da!" - Eva, your time is now! "Where does this idea come from that women give and men take?" "They waged a war against my body."

The music was so beautiful. Songs interspersed with genuine conversations. The conversations felt like they were being had for the first time. They felt spontaneous, authentic. For these reasons, I fell in love with this show. 

Once it was over and I was reflecting on it and listening to other's reflections, I can admit that it needs work. It sent a message that many of us already knew and understood. It didn't go as far as it could have in the message it needed to send. Everyone on stage was easily cis-passing (thanks to Jessie for cuing me into that one). I don't know if I am still in love with this show, but I know that the sincere conversations and the alluring music certainly made me fall for it, at least in the moment. 

In the moment, what I found myself craving for was more energy from the audience. Many of the songs made me want to stand up and dance! But I didn't feel that same response from those around me. What would the show be like if it were done more like a concert? No seats at all, but standing room? You could sit on the floor when you wanted, and then get up and dance when the spirit moved you. Or what if more of the show was done behind the stage like the "encore" was? What if it began standing and moved to sitting? How would these choices change the make up of the audience? Would they limit the audience? How would that impact the message being heard? The message being sent? 

Here's a picture of Charlottenburg Palace.
Okay, ready for some new thoughts?

In case you couldn't guess, I've been taking notes during the shows. I really like taking notes during the shows! One thing that taking notes has tuned me into is the brightness and darkness of the theaters (can I see my notebook???) In Cry Baby, the theater was really light! Does this mean anything? I don't know! 

This might make me some enemies, but Sophie Rois's voice made it hard for me to watch this show. As someone with vocal chord injuries/problems, I find damaged voices hard to listen to. Does that mean anything? Not really! It's a me problem not a her problem!

From this show, I recognized two major themes: money and death. Though I didn't get much else from it, I at least found it really satisfying to see such a large female cast!

It's me at the zoo!

Someone needs to tell Black Mirror about Remote Mitte, my favorite show so far!! It was unlike any other theater experience I've ever had. I felt like I was in a real life video game, in a good way. 

The entire train station portion was incredible. I adored the moment when we all began walking backwards towards the station and the effect it had on those around us. I also still find myself thinking about the part where we were standing in the station, in a tableau, watching the "performance" in front of us. I find it a beautiful contradiction that our headphones were telling us that we were watching the stage, that we were clapping for performers, and yet, we were the performers. Us, the audience, became the art. People were watching us, taking pictures of us, even asking us what our piece was about. 

I'm also glad that I handed in my English headset and asked for a German one. The realization that I was on a different journey than my peers because of the language I had chosen was exciting! My experience was heightened by the fact that I was told to do different things from the rest of the people I knew. It made me pay extra attention to what I was doing and what they were doing. I got to experience so many more emotions: curiosity when the differences began, exhilaration as they heightened, and nervousness when my path began to stray more and more from the others. 

Above all, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Although the show did have some beautiful messages and raised many intriguing  questions, it was also fun. It was a reminder to me that theater does not always have to be heavy and laden with reason and meaning and artsy exploration. This show had the greatest impact on me and opened my eyes to an entire world of art I want to be a part of and didn't need to be super powerful or dramatic or have some big social justicey message to do so.

If I told you to jump, would you?
The end of Remote Mitte.

Othello didn't do much for me. I was almost completely disconnected, almost completely unattached to what was going on. But I did glean a few things from it. For one, many parts made me uncomfortable. What comes to mind immediately is the scene where Othello was on the ground, twitching and thrashing around like a dying bug, with Iago standing over him. I don't at all remember the context of what was happening at that moment, but I do remember the image. In that same moment, the lights on stage brightened. When the piece began, the theater was pitch black. It was the darkest any theater we had been to so far had gotten. But in that moment, when I went to write down "discomfort" in my notebook, I noticed that the lights were brightening, that I could see the pages in front of me. And then the lights got darker again when Iago left. What did that choice mean? Why was it made? I don't know. But I remember it. 

Perhaps the only part of this piece that I truly connected with was how crystal clear it was that Iago was running the show. Other productions I've seen of Othello don't always make that so clear. In this one, however, I found it undeniable that Othello was Iago's puppet, merely carrying out such horrifying actions because his puppet master was forcing him to do so. I thought it was a strong choice and I thought it worked. 

There was a lot of screaming in this show. It made me fear for the actors voices. Some people left relatively early on during the performance. Why? It took me a while to notice that Desdemona put on black tights. When did that happen? What was the choice?

A piece of art that caught my eye at the Alte Nationalgalerie

Why do we do theater? What is the point? Does there have to be a point? Does there have to be meaning? Reason? A message? Change?

This pic would be a good lead-in to Status Quo but we're
 talking 'bout Creation (Pictures for Dorian)  next

As with Remote Mitte, this piece made me fEeL tHiNgS. While Remote Mitte brought out in me an extreme happiness and playfulness, this one brought me to tears. Tears of sadness, tears of reflection, and tears of joy too. And it was the first one to do so, too. 

Sharon's voice was soothing to listen to, and yet, it was peppered with a melancholy tone throughout the whole piece. A tone of sadness, yes, but also of struggle and question. Through her voice, I felt like I could feel her relationship with her age, with her art. I could feel her grappling with this piece, feel her grappling with what it meant for her. Or maybe I was just projecting - receiving her voice that way because I was struggling with what this piece meant to me. 

Until I was 21, age didn't matter to me that much. Sometimes I wanted to be older, because I have always been told I look younger than I am. But for the most part, I was happy to be where I was. I hardly ever (if ever) wished I was younger. Now, I think about my age more than I'd like to admit. I've come to realize that I will not always be young. I have so many ideas centered around age. I want to be skinny while I'm young. I want to look my best while I can. I want to keep my body active; I want to use it to it's full advantage before I no longer have that privilege. I want to learn as much as I can before 26, because after that, learning becomes harder. At least according to science. Or maybe something I read on the internet that isn't even true. But that number sticks in my mind. Only five more years to learn. 

But it isn't just my future that scares me. All of my grandparents are still living. I am fortunate enough to have very, very good relationships with most of them. I even practically lived with my grandparents on my Mom's side. We stayed with them every winter and every summer for the 5 years we lived in CH. I am so grateful for them. So grateful that I have been able to have them for so much of my life. But now, they're getting old. I've never experienced death. And I'm scared to. I want to have kids young. I want my children to know their great-grandparents. I want my children to have the same opportunity I did, to grow up with their grandparents by their side. Many of my friends grandparents died when they were children. They never got to form the kind of relationship with their grandparents as I did. 

Creation made me realize how often these thoughts come to the forefront of my mind. It made me realize how, even as a young person, I grapple with age and the questions that come with it; questions of beauty, of ability, of relationships. Past, present, future. 

The moment that brought it all to the surface, that made the tears fall from my eyes, was when phrases were being said and the actors were to look at the audience if they agreed and at the mirror if they disagreed. 

"This is the most important work I've done so far." Everyone looked at the audience. 

"I want to be young forever." Half turned, half did not. Of every generation, young, middle aged, and elder, some looked at the audience, some looked at the mirror. The older man looked at the audience. The former drag queen looked at the mirror.

Okay, so that last one was a lot. Decompress with this photo of
me discovering the best purchase I made on this trip! 

 I think I'll tap out now. Catch some more thoughts later!