In airport terminals, no one can hear you scream…

Well, that isn’t exactly true. The other travelers who are stuck with me in this modern purgatory would probably lynch me if I did. Most of them look worn down beyond their years, victims of an inhumane bureaucracy and deceived by the allure of cheap airline tickets. I’ve managed to settle down decently on a foam mattress on top of a wood pallet that I found in the middle of the terminal. The other passengers are eyeing me with envy, waiting for a chance to steal my refuge. THEY WON’T. THIS IS MY NEW HOME. THEY’LL HAVE TO TAKE IT OVER MY DEAD BODY. I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GO FERAL ON THESE MOTHERFUC-

Ahem. Sorry, that’s just the insomnia talking. Overall, things aren’t so bad here. The airport is relatively clean, with a modern aesthetic. For some inexplicable reason, this airport seems to have signed a product placement deal with LG, boasting their curved television screens that serve a questionable utility. Nonetheless, the things are everywhere, accompanied by signs extolling their virtues. Clearly, this is the pinnacle of 21^st century technological development. We have entered a new era-

….

Did that person actually offer me money for my makeshift bed? He held in his hand a sum of 2000 rubles. With some quick Google-fu, I calculate its value as nearly 40 USD. I stare at him, bewildered. Is this what long layovers do to people? Considering that I nearly felt driven to murder over furnishings that a homeless man would barely consider adequate, it must be so. The psychiatric community can stage some wonderfully insightful experiments in airport terminals, provided they don’t let little things like ethical concerns get in their OH GOD WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT BABY UP?!

Ahem. This same man has been patrolling steadily around my small enclave, waiting for an opportunity of weakness. I sharpen a plastic knife in preparation. I consider my options, does the Russian government consider assault and battery charges similar to the United States? Maybe I can frame it as self-defense, hire the Russian Johnny Cochran, possibly pull some favors with the Kremlin-

I must be going mad. How long have I even been here? I’m steadily losing my sense of time. minutes blur into hours. I check my watch. My flight departs at 2:20pm in the afternoon and it’s currently …. 3:00 am.