"Sodom"

Conversation after conversation where my eyes are looking at the person

but right behind my eyes are these graphic images flashing through my brain

I am suppressing them 

but it is dark out now and I am once again scared

I am a little more cautious

My muscles are a little more tense

Lost my appetite

I ate fries earlier but didn’t want condiments

They reminded me too much of flesh

My healthy sense that there is real danger in street at night

is heightened 

unhealthy

I am disgusted tonight

Horrified yes

But moreover disgusted

When I go back to my room I will leave the bathroom light on

and “try” to go to sleep

within seconds I will realize that I cannot close my eyelids

for every time I do the black of night turns to red

Blood spurting, leaking, and draining

red blood

from white flesh

I am disgusted tonight

I feel it in my body

I will not be able to close my eyelids with just the bathroom light

I reach for my computer and let the blaring rays of light 

catch my eyes

I go to Facebook

It numbs my mind

If just for a moment

Close my eyes again

The blood is back

open my eyes

look at a video of puppies

it doesn’t work

it really doesn’t work

A part of me really wants to type in

“120 days of Sodom”

It was just a show

just a show

but i need closure

I need to close my eyelids

I resist the temptation to type in those words

"120 days of Sodom”

one a.m. turns to

two

to three

my third roomate is still not back and

I am disgusted tonight

I give in

too scared to type in those words

I type in the name of the theater

Volksbuhne

One link leads to the next

and I am on the page of sodom

horrifying tooltip size pictures lie at the top

images that I need only to close my eyelids

to see

i scroll as fast as i can

Look at the text description of the “show”

It is all in German

I notice the background of the page is all red

it's a mutilated body

i instantly feel the urge to let out a disgusting scream

as I did so many times 

at the “show”

I go back a page

go back a page

at the google search page again

go back to Facebook

Let the blaring light numb me asleep

There’s a metaphor in there somewhere

I was disgusted last night

Now i’m just horrified

…definitely not a bad show